It's officially summer!!

It's my favorite time of year. The time of year I wait for all year long. I get nervous through the fall that winter is coming, I get angry and sad all winter waiting for the snow to go away, and then spring comes and things start to look up again. Now it's finally here and I am happy as can be! Unfortunately though, I feel as if I've fallen off the wagon a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I havn't gained anything back! I am still down the 25 lbs and super happy about that! The thing is, I was sick for about a week, and then I started a new job, and being on a totally messed up schedule I feel as if I've lost an entire week that could've been put to good use! I am also unfortunately dealing with some demons...food. damn you food :( lol. I am feeling like I want everythingggg. Like i'm missing out and i'm deprived. I know, I should just treat myself to a little something and move on...but I want a little of like 15 different things. I just have to push through it and keep telling myself it'll still be there when I lose weight, and it'll still taste as it did in the past. I lay at the beach today lovingggg the weather, the sun, the beautiful water, and thinking of how I want to look when I lay on the beach next summer. I want to be down 100 lbs by next summer. there is NOOO way I can do that if I give in to my urges. I need to keep focused, keep writing, keep thinking how happy I'll be when I reach my goals instead of the minute of pleasure from something that tastes good. I need to focus on my new job, and get on a good schedule and get my ass to the gym as much as I possibly can. I have big goals, but I am determined and I know I can do what I set my mind to...just need to not sabotage myself!! Maybe i'll go back to the beach tuesday to remind myself how much I love laying out in a bathing suit and want to change how I look!
<3 Irena

Weigh in day!

Today I decided it was time to weigh in. It's been a little less than a week since i got on the scale and yayy for me, I'm down another 3 lbs. I've passed the 20 lb mark now, and I'm on to my next 20!! I watched that new show last night where you see one persons journey through losing weight for a year. This girl started out at 369 lbs or something to that effect and she lost like 160 lbs....in a year! I mean, she was spending like 3 or 4 hrs a day at the gym...but I feel like if she can lose that much in a year, I can certainly lose 100! By my birthday (which is July 9th) I plan to be down another at least 20 lbs and be at a new milestone for myself! That's the next goal in my set of goals. No need to think big picture, just 20 lbs at a time. And if I'm down another 20 lbs I'll be smaller than I've been in prob 6 or 7 years. That'd be absolutely amazing, and would just push me to keep going. I bought myself a pair of running sneakers today. The shoes I were wearing wern't cutting it, especially since I've been stepping it up at the gym. I don't have much of a budget for spending, but this is sooo worth it. Having what I need to make the most of my workouts is key. I'm looking forward to trying them out tomorrow after work! Might even try a class at the gym. we shall see! haha
<3 Irena

I'm blushing! :D

Not only has everyone I work with told me I look like i'm losing weight, but I actually got the best compliment tonight. It's from a girl who, without naming names said that I have inspired her. She told me that she is joining a gym because of me and that I should keep writing because it keeps her motivated. I have to say, that was the sweeeetest compliment I could get! I have more energy than I've had in such a long time, and I'm almost down to a weight I havn't been in a good 4 years or more! Working out is still a small struggle, only because it's boring...but I love the results so I try to have fun with it. Good music makes alllll the difference. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am hoping for positive results. I always get a little nervous even if I know i've been good cause I just don't want it to stop haha. Although, if I didn't lose much, then I just step it up this coming week! I love that my sister has joined the gym and is going with me. She's doing great losing weight as well and it makes me truly happy. It's wonderful to be able to text her and go...meet me tomorrow at noon? and then have each other to keep motivated. Fingers crossed for weigh in tomorrow...I'll let you all know how it goes! haha.
<3 Irena

the gym and I

So I have to say...the gym has become my new home away from home. Besides days that work is too crazy to get there, i'm there every day. In a week I was there 6 times, and I'm doing great! I'm learning to jog on the treadmill and work up a killer sweat. I'm burning about 1000 calories an hour and I have more energy than I've ever had. I swear, I always thought it was a myth that going to the gym would give you energy. But I'll work a full day, work out for an hour or two and then have the energy to do what I need to do at night. I'm so proud of my family too cause my sister has been going to the gym w/ me almost every day, and my mom has started taking the dog for a walk every day twice a day for 20 minutes. I can see a change for the positive in all of us and I'm so proud. I am down about 20 lbs and it's starting to show. Even everyone at work is saying my face looks thinner and so does my body. Makes me want to keep at it! Plus...it's such a phenominal stress reliever. I have been BEYOND stressed. This graduating thing is gonna kill me. I am just waiting now to hear what my final grade is and see if I've graduated or not. The old days the stress would make me eat...now, the stress is making me work out harder. I am still working on eating habbits, and getting the right ballance of calories and not just eating one big meal a day instead of a bunch of small meals. It's gonna take a long time till I get it totally right, but that's ok. I'm just gonna keep at it!!

<3 Irena

shame on me!! :(

It's been sooo long since i've written anything and I feel terrible about it. I kept meaning to, and I'd say ohhh tomorrow, and then the next day, and soon enough, it's been almost a month! Well, I can't say i've lost all that much, which makes me pretty angry, but I am back on track this past week and I'm doing well. Going to the gym every other day, and working out hard when I'm there. I'm down 2 lbs in 2 days...since my last gym trip so, can't get toooo down on myself. It's way easier to get down on myself and say forget it than to get back into it and get my ass to the gym. So, I'm just getting to the gym and not thinking about the past couple of bad weeks. Not that they were "bad" but I wasn't counting calories as I should. I didn't gain anything back, but I wasn't losing either. I'm giving myself a month to lose another 15 lbs. I wanna be down at least a pant size by the time the beginning of june and the warm weather rolls around. Today I accomplished something I have been afraid to do. I always see on the biggest loser that they run in intervals on the treadmill. Push themselves for a minute or two and then jump off, then do it again etc. I have always been afraid to run on the treadmill. I'm not sure why. I guess it's the idea of people watching my big butt run, and being afraid i'd fall off, or not be able to keep up. But today I pushed my boundaries and after my half hour on the elliptical, I decided it was time to try some running intervals. And I did it! I got my pace up to where I usually do, which is a fast powerwalk and then in 60 second intervals ran, and then went back to a power walk. It was a big deal for me and I plan on trying it again tomorrow. I decided I don't care how I look up on that treadmill if it's gonna make me lose weight. The people that work at the gym are getting to know me, and are so friendly. It's nice to go and people are welcoming and encouraging. The last thing I want to do after a day of work like today, or before I go to work, like tomorrow, is go to the gym....but I'm doing it. I'm gonna force myself until I love it. Or I'll just forever force myself haha. We shall see! Either way, plan on hearing a lot more from me since I refuse to let this blog die.
<3 Irena

feeling/doing well!

I really need to get into posting more. I was doing sooo well for a while there, and then life happens. Silly life lol. Anyways, I've been doing well! Lost a couple more lbs and I finally bit the bullet and joined a gym! The way my mom puts it, is I need to feel like i'm worth the money, time and effort...and I do. I figured if I cut out one small expense a week i'm worth the expense of the gym. It's one more bill but at the same time, you only get one life. I've gone to the gym twice so far, and I've only been a member for like 5 days now. Unfortunately work gets in the way, and my foot has been an issue but i'm gonna push through it. My doc wants my foot imobilized and for me to rest it for a couple of days in a row. No way I can do that till monday when I'm off. I can't just call out of work :( Unfortunately. Plus being on my feet at work isn't the best, but, i'm doing what i've gotta do. I also went for the first time to the gym after work! I'm trying real hard to make an effort. I have a personal training session on tuesday that i'm really looking forward to! Just staying positive...taking it one day at a time :D
<3 Irena

I'm still going

Unfortunately I havn't lost anything this past week. I feel like a failure. I'm trying so hard not to kick myself and hate myself. Tonight I go to sleep the same weight I've been for 2 weeks now, and tomorrow I wake up and start fresh. Writing down my calories, taking control. I WANT this. I need this. For my physical health, my mental health. I'm still down 10 lbs, which is huge for me. I didn't gain it back. But...i need the scale to drop. I am also going tomorrow to check out gyms. I decided that even though I'm broke as hell, that's one thing that I need to spend money on. I'll just find the cheapest one I can find, and put money aside so I don't spend it. Not that I spend. on anything :( I maybe spend about 20 bucks a month total on things for myself...the rest goes to bills. It's absurd. I work all the time and have nothing to show for it. So I think it's time that something in my life was rewarding...and it should be my weight loss. I hope I can find a nice gym tomorrow and get motivated to spend some serious time in it. I hate working out. It's boring, and can be painful...and I'd much rather be relaxing. But that's an attitude that needs to change, and I think over time it will. It's all about conditioning....So i'll try my very best to re-train my brain to like working out. Maybe I never will, but i'll damn sure push myself to do it anyways. And I have plenty of people supporting me which means the world.

<3 Irena