It's officially summer!!

It's my favorite time of year. The time of year I wait for all year long. I get nervous through the fall that winter is coming, I get angry and sad all winter waiting for the snow to go away, and then spring comes and things start to look up again. Now it's finally here and I am happy as can be! Unfortunately though, I feel as if I've fallen off the wagon a bit. Now don't get me wrong, I havn't gained anything back! I am still down the 25 lbs and super happy about that! The thing is, I was sick for about a week, and then I started a new job, and being on a totally messed up schedule I feel as if I've lost an entire week that could've been put to good use! I am also unfortunately dealing with some demons...food. damn you food :( lol. I am feeling like I want everythingggg. Like i'm missing out and i'm deprived. I know, I should just treat myself to a little something and move on...but I want a little of like 15 different things. I just have to push through it and keep telling myself it'll still be there when I lose weight, and it'll still taste as it did in the past. I lay at the beach today lovingggg the weather, the sun, the beautiful water, and thinking of how I want to look when I lay on the beach next summer. I want to be down 100 lbs by next summer. there is NOOO way I can do that if I give in to my urges. I need to keep focused, keep writing, keep thinking how happy I'll be when I reach my goals instead of the minute of pleasure from something that tastes good. I need to focus on my new job, and get on a good schedule and get my ass to the gym as much as I possibly can. I have big goals, but I am determined and I know I can do what I set my mind to...just need to not sabotage myself!! Maybe i'll go back to the beach tuesday to remind myself how much I love laying out in a bathing suit and want to change how I look!
<3 Irena

Weigh in day!

Today I decided it was time to weigh in. It's been a little less than a week since i got on the scale and yayy for me, I'm down another 3 lbs. I've passed the 20 lb mark now, and I'm on to my next 20!! I watched that new show last night where you see one persons journey through losing weight for a year. This girl started out at 369 lbs or something to that effect and she lost like 160 lbs....in a year! I mean, she was spending like 3 or 4 hrs a day at the gym...but I feel like if she can lose that much in a year, I can certainly lose 100! By my birthday (which is July 9th) I plan to be down another at least 20 lbs and be at a new milestone for myself! That's the next goal in my set of goals. No need to think big picture, just 20 lbs at a time. And if I'm down another 20 lbs I'll be smaller than I've been in prob 6 or 7 years. That'd be absolutely amazing, and would just push me to keep going. I bought myself a pair of running sneakers today. The shoes I were wearing wern't cutting it, especially since I've been stepping it up at the gym. I don't have much of a budget for spending, but this is sooo worth it. Having what I need to make the most of my workouts is key. I'm looking forward to trying them out tomorrow after work! Might even try a class at the gym. we shall see! haha
<3 Irena

I'm blushing! :D

Not only has everyone I work with told me I look like i'm losing weight, but I actually got the best compliment tonight. It's from a girl who, without naming names said that I have inspired her. She told me that she is joining a gym because of me and that I should keep writing because it keeps her motivated. I have to say, that was the sweeeetest compliment I could get! I have more energy than I've had in such a long time, and I'm almost down to a weight I havn't been in a good 4 years or more! Working out is still a small struggle, only because it's boring...but I love the results so I try to have fun with it. Good music makes alllll the difference. Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am hoping for positive results. I always get a little nervous even if I know i've been good cause I just don't want it to stop haha. Although, if I didn't lose much, then I just step it up this coming week! I love that my sister has joined the gym and is going with me. She's doing great losing weight as well and it makes me truly happy. It's wonderful to be able to text her and go...meet me tomorrow at noon? and then have each other to keep motivated. Fingers crossed for weigh in tomorrow...I'll let you all know how it goes! haha.
<3 Irena

the gym and I

So I have to say...the gym has become my new home away from home. Besides days that work is too crazy to get there, i'm there every day. In a week I was there 6 times, and I'm doing great! I'm learning to jog on the treadmill and work up a killer sweat. I'm burning about 1000 calories an hour and I have more energy than I've ever had. I swear, I always thought it was a myth that going to the gym would give you energy. But I'll work a full day, work out for an hour or two and then have the energy to do what I need to do at night. I'm so proud of my family too cause my sister has been going to the gym w/ me almost every day, and my mom has started taking the dog for a walk every day twice a day for 20 minutes. I can see a change for the positive in all of us and I'm so proud. I am down about 20 lbs and it's starting to show. Even everyone at work is saying my face looks thinner and so does my body. Makes me want to keep at it! Plus...it's such a phenominal stress reliever. I have been BEYOND stressed. This graduating thing is gonna kill me. I am just waiting now to hear what my final grade is and see if I've graduated or not. The old days the stress would make me eat...now, the stress is making me work out harder. I am still working on eating habbits, and getting the right ballance of calories and not just eating one big meal a day instead of a bunch of small meals. It's gonna take a long time till I get it totally right, but that's ok. I'm just gonna keep at it!!

<3 Irena

shame on me!! :(

It's been sooo long since i've written anything and I feel terrible about it. I kept meaning to, and I'd say ohhh tomorrow, and then the next day, and soon enough, it's been almost a month! Well, I can't say i've lost all that much, which makes me pretty angry, but I am back on track this past week and I'm doing well. Going to the gym every other day, and working out hard when I'm there. I'm down 2 lbs in 2 days...since my last gym trip so, can't get toooo down on myself. It's way easier to get down on myself and say forget it than to get back into it and get my ass to the gym. So, I'm just getting to the gym and not thinking about the past couple of bad weeks. Not that they were "bad" but I wasn't counting calories as I should. I didn't gain anything back, but I wasn't losing either. I'm giving myself a month to lose another 15 lbs. I wanna be down at least a pant size by the time the beginning of june and the warm weather rolls around. Today I accomplished something I have been afraid to do. I always see on the biggest loser that they run in intervals on the treadmill. Push themselves for a minute or two and then jump off, then do it again etc. I have always been afraid to run on the treadmill. I'm not sure why. I guess it's the idea of people watching my big butt run, and being afraid i'd fall off, or not be able to keep up. But today I pushed my boundaries and after my half hour on the elliptical, I decided it was time to try some running intervals. And I did it! I got my pace up to where I usually do, which is a fast powerwalk and then in 60 second intervals ran, and then went back to a power walk. It was a big deal for me and I plan on trying it again tomorrow. I decided I don't care how I look up on that treadmill if it's gonna make me lose weight. The people that work at the gym are getting to know me, and are so friendly. It's nice to go and people are welcoming and encouraging. The last thing I want to do after a day of work like today, or before I go to work, like tomorrow, is go to the gym....but I'm doing it. I'm gonna force myself until I love it. Or I'll just forever force myself haha. We shall see! Either way, plan on hearing a lot more from me since I refuse to let this blog die.
<3 Irena

feeling/doing well!

I really need to get into posting more. I was doing sooo well for a while there, and then life happens. Silly life lol. Anyways, I've been doing well! Lost a couple more lbs and I finally bit the bullet and joined a gym! The way my mom puts it, is I need to feel like i'm worth the money, time and effort...and I do. I figured if I cut out one small expense a week i'm worth the expense of the gym. It's one more bill but at the same time, you only get one life. I've gone to the gym twice so far, and I've only been a member for like 5 days now. Unfortunately work gets in the way, and my foot has been an issue but i'm gonna push through it. My doc wants my foot imobilized and for me to rest it for a couple of days in a row. No way I can do that till monday when I'm off. I can't just call out of work :( Unfortunately. Plus being on my feet at work isn't the best, but, i'm doing what i've gotta do. I also went for the first time to the gym after work! I'm trying real hard to make an effort. I have a personal training session on tuesday that i'm really looking forward to! Just staying positive...taking it one day at a time :D
<3 Irena

I'm still going

Unfortunately I havn't lost anything this past week. I feel like a failure. I'm trying so hard not to kick myself and hate myself. Tonight I go to sleep the same weight I've been for 2 weeks now, and tomorrow I wake up and start fresh. Writing down my calories, taking control. I WANT this. I need this. For my physical health, my mental health. I'm still down 10 lbs, which is huge for me. I didn't gain it back. But...i need the scale to drop. I am also going tomorrow to check out gyms. I decided that even though I'm broke as hell, that's one thing that I need to spend money on. I'll just find the cheapest one I can find, and put money aside so I don't spend it. Not that I spend. on anything :( I maybe spend about 20 bucks a month total on things for myself...the rest goes to bills. It's absurd. I work all the time and have nothing to show for it. So I think it's time that something in my life was rewarding...and it should be my weight loss. I hope I can find a nice gym tomorrow and get motivated to spend some serious time in it. I hate working out. It's boring, and can be painful...and I'd much rather be relaxing. But that's an attitude that needs to change, and I think over time it will. It's all about conditioning....So i'll try my very best to re-train my brain to like working out. Maybe I never will, but i'll damn sure push myself to do it anyways. And I have plenty of people supporting me which means the world.

<3 Irena

It's been a week!

I can't believe it's been a whole week since I posted. My mom said something to me about it tonight, as did my sister, and I couldn't believe it had been an entire week. Time really flies when all you do is work and sleep haha. I have to say, maybe I didn't write as much because I wasn't as proud of myself this week. I didn't gain anything, but I didn't really lose anything further either. I know, I shouldn't let that get in my way, but it's a minor set back. I have to realize that not every day is gonna be a good day, and not every week will be perfect, but that this has to be more of a lifestyle change than a "diet." I have the day off tomorrow and come hell or high water I will spend at least an hour working out. I have the time, and with some sleep I'll have the energy. I need to push myself because clearly just watching what I eat isn't enough. I need to be even more aware of everything I put in my mouth. Write it all down and stuff. I had a talk with my mom and it makes me so sad to see how dependant people are on food. How for some people it's the only thing that makes them "happy" and I 1000% don't want to be one of those people. My life will not revolve around food. It's a source of nourishment, not a source of happiness and I need to continue to remind myself that. Happiness is being active, living a long healthy life, being able to have children some day, finding love, loving myself.

I have to say, my mom is the best. Not only would she do anything and everything she can for me, but she is always there to support me in everything I do. She is proud of me for trying, encouraging when I fail and although we have our issues, she's an amazing friend. She's been so good in buying healthy food for me to eat and in keeping all the bad choices out of the house. She also offered to get me a gym membership, because I can't afford it. I can't take her up on it because I know she doesn't have the funds for it either, but the fact that she would further put herself out for me like that means the world. Hopefully another 6 months or so I'll have made a small dent in my debts and I'll be able to make a monthly gym payment. Till then, I'll just keep doing what i'm doing and working with what I've got. I have plenty of resources at home and I'll make it happen for myself one way or the other. It makes me feel so lucky to have people who love me and worry about me so much. I don't want to let them down, and this week, I wont!

<3 Irena

Still going strong!

So, while I havn't lost much this week. I'm still at about 10 lbs down, I have fought with some demons and won, which I feel is almost more important. I had cake twice this week, both for birthday celebrations and neither time did i overindulge, or go back for seconds. The old Irena would have had seconds and then maybe thirds later in the evening. I have watched my calories and kept up with being as active as possible and it really feels good. I feel like i'm so much more in control of myself and I plan on this week being a good week with a good amount of weight lost. I'd like another 3 lbs this week. I am also planning on working out more this week. My foot is finally a bit better, and i'm almost over this sinus infection (although it's hanging on) and I really want to push myself more this week. Unfortunately the weather is supposed to be junk for the next couple of days, but I won't let that stop me. I have plenty of things I can do in the house, workout videos light weights and such. As long as ninja doesn't chase me around the house when i start trying to work out like he sometimes does haha. And even then, i'll be running around the house...so that counts as excersize haha. Staying positive!! :D
<3 Irena

Day 18 and going strong!

Feeling a bit better FINALLY. I'm so tired of not feeling well. Day 4 of my antibiotics and I'm just feeling a little bit like myself. Not totally, but i'm getting there. I just wish I had more energy! I wanna feel up to working out, and running around, and plain running! Lol. Not that I run haha. I mean, some day I'd like to be able to run. But not now lol. I power walk haha. I am still keeping up with my calorie counting although minor set back yesterday with having chinese food for dinner. Best damn chicken ever haha. So I mightve gone over my calories a bit, but I did well today to make up for it, and it's only one day. More so I am just enjoying this weather and hoping very much to get out more! I can't wait till every day is warm weather and I can make going to the beach a regular occurance. Today I went down to the beach with my sister, and it was just lovely. I swear there is nothing so relaxing as watching the waves roll in, and feeling the warm sun on you. It's so theraputic for me and hopefully it'll help with losing weight, ya know...being able to do things like that I enjoy. You know, it's the little things that really make me happy. Tomorrow we celebrate my sis' bday...so it's another piece of cake, and a lottt more will power! Hopefully  haha
<3 Irena

Being sick is NOT good for weight loss :(

I went to the doctor yesterday and apparently I have a sinus infection. Lucky me. I'm on antibiotics now, but no rest for the weary...considering I was back at work today, having people breath all over me. Not happy about the fact that between my chest feeling tight, my throat hurting and my body aching I'm not all about getting my workout on. But I'm hoping it's just a matter of days till I'll be back to feeling great and I'll make up for lost time. I have to be extra careful with my food for the next few days too because It's my sisters birthday, and cake is inevidable! Now...I'm not saying I'm not excited for cake, cause a piece every now and then is good for the soul haha. However, I don't feel like I'm far enough along in my journey to not spiral and eat more than I should. So I'm going to really limit myself. One piece of cake and I walk away. NO seconds. And calories need to be mostly protien and low carb for a few days if I'm gonna be eating junk. I hate how we associate sweets with happy occasions. I can't wait to celebrate my sisters birthday. She's my best friend, and I love her more than anything. In turn, I want to be around with her till we're both old and grey and hitting each other w/ our canes haha, and have my mom there as well for as longgg as possible...and eating sweets is not the way to make that happen. I know I'm a bit over the top talking like that, since once piece of cake is not the start of binge eating...but I know myself. I wish we celebrated with a nice salad! haha. Wish me luck for the next couple of days and I'll post on how resisting temptation goes :D
<3 Irena

Weigh in day, just a day late lol

Yesterday was weigh in day, and while it was a positive day, I'm def coming down with something so I was just not up to posting at all. It was a long day at work, and then I came home and just felt icky. Not that i'm feeling any better today, actually i'm worse...but I need to keep on track. No reason why I should fall behind just because I don't feel well. So, I was down 3 lbs this week! Now, it's not a huge number...but considering it was that time of the month, plus my foot is still messed up and I'm totally getting sick, I'm proud. I can only say that this week will be as good if not better! I'm looking forward to getting past that 10 lb mark. Unfortunately there have been many times where I start to get overwhelmed, and almost afraid of losing weight. I'll get to the 10 lb mark and quit. Or i'll get over 10 lbs and then sabotage myself. NOT this time. This time i'm in it for the long run. I'm going to bed hungry, getting through my day hungry, making smarter choices and allowing myself a little room for error because at the end of the day, it's ok to be human. I am not going to make this a long blog because honesly, my bed is calling me. I have a doctors apt in the morning so hopefully i'll be back on the feeling good track in no time. I just wanna say, I've had over 400 hits on this blog and although not many of you comment or "follow" me, I do appreciate you reading what I have to say and I would love your feedback. :D
Night all!
<3 Irena

Day 12: It's almost weigh in day lol

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am really looking forward to it actually. I know I worked hard this week and have been calorie counting like it's nobody's business. Keeping to about 1500 calories a day, trying to stay as active as I can. I have a feeling tomorrow will be a good day! I am a bit bloated, all you ladies know why lol, but hopefully that won't affect my weigh in too much. I am feeling so down about a few things in my life but I am finally feeling like losing weight might be something I can have control over. I used to feel that by keeping weight on I was controlling my weight, having power over my situation. It's taken me a long time to realize it, but by keeping the weight on and not making the effort I'm just hiding. Hiding from some fears I've started to deal with, and giving myself a false sense of security and control. The more weight I've gained, the less control I feel I've had which is exactly what I don't want. I hope very much that with every lb I lose, i'll gain even more control of my life. There are so many things I want for myself and I'm keeping positive. It's funny how easy it is to be negative. Negativity comes so much easier than being upbeat and positive. It's actual work to look at the bright side of things, especially when there are things you're unhappy about. I'm keeping those things out of my weight loss journey though. Trying to separate negativity about other things and negativity about weight loss. I don't need food for comfort...and the more I tell myself that, the better I do. We'll see how well I did tomorrow!! :D
<3 Irena

Day 10: I want chocolate lol

Yup, it's true. All I want right now are those god damn little cadburry eggs for easter. They are pretty much my fav thing, and I could eat a million of em. I went to cvs today to pick up a couple of things, and it took every damn ounce of strength I had not to buy some. There they were sitting in the middle of the aisle, nestled yummily between the bunny rabbit shaped chocolates and the little peeps I also adore. But I kept walking, told myself they would still be there another day if I really wanted them...and I left, without candy. The old Irena would have bought a pack or two and prob have finished one before I even drove home. I'm really trying though to not be that same person. To have will power, and to know that it's for my own good.

I hate that saying...for my own good. It's like, anything you hate, or don't want to do, or that makes you totally miserable is allowable since it's "for your own good". In this case though, it was for my own good, and I'm happy I made it out chocolate free.

I'm still having some trouble working out. I have been feeling like i'm getting sick for prob 2 weeks now. Sore throat, achey body...then there's my damn foot. I'm truly trying to push myself but working on my feet takes a lot out of me. I really need a job that allows me to sit at points during the day, so when I get home I'm not too tired to do anything else. I might make an apt to see the doctor about this "feeling sick" thing. Cause it's getting real old already. It's like....I should either get sick, or get better.

I'm also learning a lot about self respect, and personal growth. I am no longer willing to let anyone, men or women take advantage of my good nature. I feel that too many people over look me as someone who is just "going to be there" because I am the kind of friend who is always there. It's going to be a rude awakening when all of a sudden I'm not there, willing to jump at a call and just let people float in and out of my life. It's the same principle with dating, friendships...all of it. You can't expect me to just be there when you decide you want me, and then that it's ok when you are too busy or don't want me. I have to learn to say no to people, which is something that's hard for me. And I have to learn to say no to myself. I started with saying no to chocolate today...hopefully tomorrow I'll do just as well :-D
<3 Irena

Day 8 :D

I did well today. The calorie counting book that I have says that I should eat about 2100 calories a day to lose weight, but I figure, the lower I am (within reason) the better. Especially since i'm not working out real hardcore cause of my foot. So I had about 1700 calories today and I'm going to bed so I can't eat anymore. Night is the worst time for me. I'm sitting on the couch, watching tv, chatting with friends etc...and I just want to snack. Everyone loves snacking lol. But it's probably late night eating and snacking that helped me pack on these lbs. So I'm slowly trying to get myself to stop eating earlier and earlier. I'm aiming for not eating after midnight. Now I know that sounds mad late...but when I don't get home till 10 and haven't eaten dinner yet...midnight isn't all that late. So i'm trying real hard to eat my dinner, maybe have a fruit or something and then get my ass up to bed. There's no way i'll get to sleep early...but as long as I'm in bed watching tv, I won't get up for food. Even if my stomach starts to grumble, if i'm comfy, i'm not moving haha. Guess there's a +1 for laziness huh!? haha. On another note, I think the stress of being poor and stressed might kill me. I might actually go out of my mind worrying about how I'm gonna pay my bills. With that said, for the first time i'm keeping those issues and my weight issues seperate. I used to just say ohhh well, i'm too stressed to diet. Or, it's a bad day, I deserve a reward. I deserve to lose weight...and the rest of it will have to consume my mind in its own time. :D Off to go up to bed so I don't eat anymore! haha
<3 Irena

One Week Down!

My first week down and I feel like i'm doing great. Usually by a week in i'm already tired of watching what I eat haha but this week is different. It's not about food, it's about feeling better about myself. I worked on my feet for 5 hrs today and although I got home and was in pain with my foot, I iced it and moved on. For the first time this week I put my sneakers on and jumped on the elliptical machine. I only did 30 minutes before my foot started throbbing and I really had to quit...but I was really proud of myself for doing it. They say 30 minutes 3 times a week can help you lose and change how you are a bit...so my 30 minutes on top of my 5 hrs running around on my feet at work make a pretty good day. I am still eating right and counting my calories. Keeping them under 2000 a day as I should, and honestly, the lower the better. Although, I'm not at all trying to starve myself. I'm trying to eat a little something every few hours. Whether it be a fruit, a granola bar...something. I'm sticking to a couple of actual meals, and little snacks through the day so I never truly get STARVING. If I keep my metabolism going, and keep the starving feeling away I feel like i'll be able to control what I eat way better. When I get to that starving point then logic goes out the window...and I can't have that. We'll see what next week brings, but I'm planning on it being all good things! Good choices, and more weight loss :D. Now....to sleep. Gotta get those 8 hrs of beauty rest haha.
<3 Irena

Day 6...weigh in day.

I know you're only supposed to weigh yourself once a week, but I figured sunday would be a good day since It'd determine how I start off my week! So from now on, sunday is the day. This week is def starting off on a high note. 6 days in and I'm down 5 lbs! And that's without working out more than my usual running around for hours on end at work. My foot is still causing me a lot of pain but i'm anxious to really get back to working out. Making those 5 lbs, 10 and 15 and 20 etc. I tend to sabotage myself a bit and i am doing everything i can to keep positive and not do that. What I really want is to succeed. There are so many things in my life stressing me out and making me wanna binge eat, or stress eat...but I am not gonna give in. After so many years of doing that ive learned if I continue to stress eat, it only makes me feel worse. I have a couple days off this week (thankfully it's not a 6 day work week) and so i'm really gonna try to suck up my foot pain and get to some working out. Either way, I'm all about being motivated. Eating right is working for me so i'm gonna keep it up!
<3 Irena

Day 5...I'm far too stressed

Today was a long day. I got up early for training for work, from 8-10, then I work from 3pm till 10. I have to say, my foot is absolutely killing me! I'm sooo over working on my feet every day, and the pain not getting better since I'm on my feet every day. I just want to be able to excersize! I also am having some personal issues. Men confuse me, they drive me crazy and I swear....I am just too nice and good to people who don't deserve it. That said, I'm channeling that energy into more positive things and thinking about myself. I have to focus on myself because I'm the only one who can make a difference in my own life. Yes, having a man who's as caring to me as I am to him would be wonderful. What would be more wonderful is to be truly happy with myself. I weighed myself today and since I started this blog...I'm down 4 lbs. That's almost a lb a day which feels AMAZING. I am sticking to it no matter who or what tries to stress me out. I'm realizing that sacrificing some things are worth it for the mental health. I'm going to pick one day a week to weigh myself...maybe it'll be on sundays, or mondays....But i'm gonna try not to weigh myself too often and just post my results once a week. Although, 4 lbs made me excited so I felt the need to share! Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day...filled with good choices, no foot pain and excersize!
<3 Irena

Day 4...I'm proud of myself

I know it's only 4 days...but I took a bad day and made it good, and for that I'm proud of myself. I went to the podiatrist today for my foot and I have a very inflamed heel and blah blah...long story short I ended up needing a cortisone shot in my heel and he said to ice it and elevate it etc. So while I'm not quite going for a run ready...I'm working on getting all healed up so I can get back to working out harder. I was so good all day counting my calories and eating right. Then, I was tempted. Now I have to be honest and say I tempted myself. My mom had some oral surgery and I forgot she was staying away from carbs and thought I'd be sweet and buy her some ice cream. So, I get home and she goes...why would you do that, I can't eat it? And now it's there. In my house. calling to me. She told me to throw it away...but how does a fat girl throw away ice cream!? So my mom went to bed tonight, and I was hungry, so I said oohhh there's Ice cream!!! I sat down on the couch, opened up my chocolate and peanut butter ice cream and started eating. And with every bite I swear I felt more and more guilty. I was eating it going this doesn't even taste good because I'm hating myself over it. So what'd I do? I threw it away. I got off the couch, and threw it away. For the first time in a very long time I put myself first. I thought about how I'd feel after I finished eating it, rationalized it, and fixed a mistake I was in the middle of making. I'm proud of myself tonight and even if I couldn't work out like I wanted to...today was a good day :-)
<3 Irena

Day 3....not too shabby

Today I am honestly not feeling well. I feel like I'm getting sick. Sore throat, achey body. the works. That said...I was really good with my eating. I stayed within my calories and made a real effort to keep positive even though with not feeling great I'm a little down. I contemplated a lot about life today...wondering why things happen how they do. Wondering why I'm still single, why I have to work so hard when some people are just handed things...
What I realized is that I just need to keep focused on myself and the positive things. Things will fall into place in time. This is not the time to worry about being single, or anything that's out of my control. The only thing I can control is what I put in my mouth, how much I sit on the couch and how many hours I work a day. Plus, my attitude of course. My attitude is the one thing that's gonna keep me going, cause I'm realizing, I deserve to be happy. Slowly, but surely. And what will make me happy is knowing I'm taking care of myself :D
<3 Irena

Day 2...was better :D

Today my goal was to really count calories and to make a seriously conscious effort. I half did that. I knew I was going to stop at dunkin donuts today on my way to work to get a coffee, so i purposely ate at home and made sure that i didn't get anything there. I had 300 calories for breakfast, and then lunch was a subway sandwich. Not the best, but not the worst either. I avoided ordering cookies, or getting chips and making it a "meal" even though I would've loved either. I came home, didn't snack at all and then had a sensible dinner. I'm sure I'm under 2,000 calories for the day and if I have a snack before bed it'll be fruit. I was on my feet for 5 hrs today at work and while that's not quite "excersize", it's tiring, and I do a lot of running around. I also have been having some issues with foot pain. I'm not sure what's wrong w/ my foot but I'm going to the podiatrist on friday so hopefully that'll be a fixed and then I can start hardcore working out.

And it's finally nicer out!! I wore my spring jacket today, and was feeling good w/ my sunglasses on not freezing my ass off :D. I'm pretty psyched to get outside and do some working out in the good old sunshine!
What I did do today is take care of myself physically by eating what I should, and not what I shouldn't. I also did my nails. Tips, paint, the works. Makes me feel a little better about myself, which in turn makes me want to take better care of myself in other ways. It's the little things right??
<3 Irena

Day 1...was not such a great day.

So i was in a rush today, because of course I hit the snooze button too many times. Of course that meant that I picked up some food. And some food, I meant a bagel. Which was a terrible way to start off the day. Followed that up with a slice of cold pizza and you have my day. Now, in the grand scheme of things, the total calories were prob not over what I should've eaten today...but I didn't count as I should, and I didn't make good choices. I did spend 6 hrs on my feet at work in constant motion, which is something. The thing is, when I get home from work, my feet hurt and I have no energy to first work out. So that's something I need to work on. How to get that motivation and how to get my body to keep up with my mind at the end of the day. I'll prob be up till like 2 am...most of it will be spent sitting on the couch watching tv and online. One day at a time. I can't change all of it at once, I just have to keep reminding myself of that. What I will do though is plan out my calories for tomorrow. I will plan it all out, and write it all down. For tonight, at least it's something.
<3 Irena

New Beginnings

I've heard for many years that a key to success in weight loss is to keep a diary, journal, whatever you want to call it...you know, something to hold yourself accountable. My plan is to write down my ups and downs, log my calories, exersize...all of it. I need to see it in black and white and maybe, just maybe it'll keep someone else motivated too! I really want to encourage anyone who reads this to share their struggles, stories, motivations. Share it all with me...because I'm going to need all the help I can get. My goal is to lose a significant amount of weight by my birthday. As of today I have 4 months and 9 days. That means I hope to be down 40 lbs by my birthday. I know it's a lofty goal, but I believe I can do it. Tomorrow I start calorie counting, and a strict workout schedule. For the first time in a long time, I'm going to have faith in myself.
<3 Irena

Me at my starting weight. More pics to follow as my journey continues!!